Counseling Session with Indonesia

In conducting the counseling session with diversity group of people like Indonesia there is many things to consider such as the counselors should understand “What is cultural identity?”, lifestyle disagreements, religious and background of the clients as well as language. The counselors should maintain and consider those things in order to build a good relationship and make the counseling session run smoothly.

As we known that Indonesia is home to hundreds of ethnic groups speaking many different languages. In order to do the counseling session with this kind of group, first thing first that counselors should do is kwon your client background. Based on The Change Group’s website, counselors strive to create both a trusting relationship and a comfortable environment with all their clients so that the difficult task of healing therapy can begin. Today, clients seeking counseling come from an array of backgrounds, requiring counselors to know and understand the various ways culture impacts the counseling relationship. A lack of sensitivity to a client’s unique background and experiences can result in miscommunication, a client’s refusal to participate, and ultimately, an ineffective counseling relationship. These consequences can open the door to accusations of negligence, leading to discipline from your state licensing board or professional organization, or even a lawsuit.

Cultural competence is one of only a few competencies required of counselors in most state statutes. The American Counseling Association (ACA) set forth specific guidelines for providing counseling services to ethnically and culturally diverse populations in their ACA Code of Ethics.

Know the challenges

Language barriers are often the biggest challenge between ethnic clients and counselors. A communication problem left unexplored could lead to allegations of mistreatment or abuse. Counselors can help avoid this by always documenting the counseling session, and noting the steps you taken to understand and adjust to the client’s individual culture. Also, remembering that the goal of therapy is to understand the individual as a whole (not just his/her ethnic background) is key.

We don’t make assumptions about clients. For example, some cultures avoid eye contact as a sign of respect, but we need to understand whether the individual in counseling is not looking at us out of respect, or if he/she is feeling ashamed or uncomfortable, or being dishonest. If we assume clients’ behavior stems from culture without asking questions about how they’re feeling, we may miss an opportunity for healing and set ourselves up for liability.

A good way to avoid misassumptions is to be educated about the culture of our clients.  The same is true for counselors everywhere.  If you can’t find literature sources about specific cultural expectations, seek the advice of other colleagues in your area who may have experience counseling within your client’s culture. During a counseling session, it’s also important to determine your client’s level of acculturation to the United States. Clients with low cultural assimilation may not understand that some of the behaviors you’re counseling them about aren’t acceptable in this country.

Openness and honesty are key

Culturally competent counselors invite open and honest dialogue about race and ethnicity in their therapeutic sessions and use professional resources and activities to develop their counseling skills with racially and ethnically diverse clients. As counselors, we understand that all our clients come with unique needs. Creating a treatment approach that respects the client’s cultural identity as well as his/her individual characteristics will meet those needs!

Cross Culture Relationships

According to Counselling Directory's website, all relationships are to some extent cross-cultural, in that both parties come together from different families to build a new unit together. Whilst for many couples this will be a natural set of compromises to which both partners will adjust naturally over time – for others the differences can be fundamental, with one finding it difficult to understand the others way of looking at the world and vice versa.

The loyalty we often feel towards our own culture and traditions can sometimes mean we find it difficult to understand another’s. In a relationship situation when two people have differing beliefs, it is these feelings that can be pushed to the forefront, overwhelming the individual feelings we have for one another.

Cross cultural issues faced by couples include loss of identity, conflicts over differences in fundamental beliefs, clashes in parenting tactics, struggles with unsupportive families and different interpretations of an event relating to some aspect of differing cultures.

Counselling for cross cultural issues can help couples step outside of their restrictive cultural identities to see one another with greater clarity, as individuals. By taking the time to listen to one another’s stories in an objective setting with a counsellor, a new level of understanding may be reached, obstacles can be overcome and a plan for moving forward can be made.

What is cultural identity?

Culture isn't just about the things we can see. It's not just about the national dish, the fashions people wear, the gods they worship, or even the places they live. Culture is for the most part invisible; we hardly even notice it until we're forced to step outside and see it from a new perspective. A large amount of what we do, say, think, believe and to some extent, feel - is shaped by the culture we come from. From a young age, information we absorb from the world around us influences our:

• ideas about how to behave
• sense of self-worth
• thoughts about what's right and what's wrong
• aspirations and interests
• values - the importance of things in life (i.e. family/money/freedom)
• understanding of our individual places in society
• ideas about birth, life and death.

Cross cultural relationship issues

Particular challenges faced by people in cross cultural relationships include:

• coping with religious differences
• loss of identity
• daily disagreements over small things - cooking, hygiene, standards, rituals etc.
• different ideas about the meaning of love, family and relationships
• different methods of dealing with conflict
• unsupportive families.

Lifestyle disagreements in cross cultural relationships

Lifestyle disagreements are arguments involving daily life. These disagreements can sometimes be sparked by resentment because one or both partners feel their culture is being rejected or attacked when the other refuses to follow their customs or traditions.

Some lifestyle disagreements include:

• Eating and drinking - Different cultures have different views on alcohol consumption and diets vary greatly around the world.

• Clothing - Sometimes people change what they wear to fit in with another culture.

• Chore distribution - Different views on gender roles can spark conflict when it comes to distributing domestic chores.

• Money - Money can be a big stumbling block when it comes to relationship harmony. How people deal with money, how they value money and how they spend it can be quite dependant on the culture they come from.

Counselling can help iron out these domestic problems by looking at the driving forces behind them. Often, the problems run deeper than they first appear and couples can benefit from getting them out in the open to tackle head on. With so many obstacles to overcome in cross cultural relationships, having clear communication lines in everyday life is essential.

Religious differences

If you fall in love with someone who doesn't share your religious beliefs, how do you get around the fact that you might have different fundamental ideas about life? Are your beliefs compatible? Would you sacrifice some of your rituals, or soften some of your beliefs, to make your partner happy? Would you take the time to learn about their beliefs, or perhaps even go with them to their mosque/church/temple?

Some of the main religious issues in cross cultural relationships include:

• Incompatible beliefs - Two people might love each other for other reasons, but if a couple can't agree on fundamental values, conflicts can arise.

• Unsupportive families - In some cultures the preservation of religion is of the utmost importance. With rapid globalisation and the merging of cultures across the world, it's becoming increasingly difficult to hold onto some religious traditions. While some cultures still practise arranged marriages, not all young people are happy with this and many fall in love with people outside of their religion. This can cause huge family rifts and people are often forced to choose between their families and their partners.

• Bringing up children - When two people with two different religions have a child, they have to come to some kind of agreement about how they bring up this child. Do they teach them about both religions and let the child decide when they're old enough? Or, do they choose one religion?

• Guilt - The ideologies we grow up with never really leave us. Even if you reach a point in life where you lose or change your faith, those core principals you grew up with can leave their mark. Guilt is a big part of letting some or all of your beliefs and practices go, and this guilt can quickly lead to one partner resenting the other for leading them away from their birth culture.

Religious differences have been known to rip good, loving relationships apart. Learning how to deal with them is paramount.

Dealing with religious differences in cross cultural relationships

Religious differences don't have to signal the end of a relationship - having conflicting views about the world can be a healthy and enlightening experience. Couples counselling is designed to help you step back from your relationship and see it as a separate entity, away from both you and your partner. Your counsellor will encourage you to investigate the role religion plays in your relationship. What parts does it impact? Your daily routine? Your conversations? The way you feel about each other? Next, your counsellor will help you identify the point at which religion started to have a negative effect on your relationship.

By looking back at how your relationship formed and the role religion played right at the beginning, you can work on reclaiming those initial feelings. Your religion need not smother your personal identity. It is possible to accept and embrace your partner's beliefs while staying true to your own. Variety is the spice of life, and as long as you respect one another's decisions, the odd disagreement shouldn't stand in the way of happiness.

Language barriers

Language is an important part of communication, but it is not actually necessary. Thousands of unspoken messages pass between people whenever they meet. A glance here, a foot tap there, a flick of the hair, a tensing of the shoulders. Every movement tells a story and romance offers the richest vocabulary. While many cross cultural couples start out not understanding each other at all, normally at least one partner speaks the others' mother tongue - albeit basically. While a shared first language is not necessary for a happy romance, not having one can bring up challenges in the long run, including the following:

• Humour - A lot of humour is verbal; could you cope with your partner not understanding your jokes, or you not understanding theirs?

• Misunderstandings - Language is the key to instructing, directing and expressing. If you can't do these things properly then you open yourself up to misinterpretation, which in turn can lead to conflict.

• Frustration - When you have feelings for someone, you probably want to get as close as possible to them. Not speaking the same language as them means you will always have a barrier between you, something which can become very frustrating over time.  

• Alienation - Meeting a partner's friends and family is a nerve-wracking experience for anybody. When you don't speak the same language, this experience can be 10 times as daunting. How can you prove yourself to be a good match for their son/daughter/grandchild etc., if they can't even understand you? When everyone around you is speaking in a different language, it can sometimes feel like they are talking about you. Although they probably aren't, the paranoia and the frustration of not being able to engage in the way you want to can lead to feelings of alienation.

Dealing with language issues in cross cultural relationships

Counselling can help to improve communication pathways between couples, even when those couples don't share a first language. By clearing up misunderstandings and voicing secret feelings about alienation and frustration, couples can step out from the tangle of problems miscommunication presents and start with a clean slate.

Make sure you:

• Make the effort - Even if your partner is a foreigner in your country, by taking the time to learn their language you can show that you want to be a part of their world as much as they've become a part of yours.

• Strengthen other communication channels - Find ways to reinforce messages to avoid misunderstandings - especially things like times and places to meet.

• Consider social gatherings - Ask friends and family to speak in your partner's language if possible, or to speak slowly without using informal language they might not recognise.

• Be patient - It takes time and practise to learn a new language. Eventually, with patience and understanding, you will find a unique way to communicate with your partner.  

Loss of identity

If you've moved to a different country, changed religion, or sacrificed your own culture to embrace your partner's, you may begin to feel a little departed from the person you used to be. When you integrate into a new culture, you often have to leave some of your old habits behind. Soon, it becomes apparent just how important those small habits were to you, and how much they impacted your own sense of identity. You might wonder:

• Who am I?
• Where do I belong?
• Do I fit in here?
• Do I have a responsibility to hold on to my cultural heritage?

A counsellor will help you to think of ways you can reclaim parts of your old identity in a way that doesn't stop you integrating well into your partner's culture. It is possible to hold onto your identity while embracing a new culture and, with the help of a counsellor, you can start to explore what makes you you. After all, you are an individual and while the culture you grew up in might have helped shape your identity, it does not own you - you are in control.

Advice for cross cultural relationships

There is no single formula for a happy, long-term cross cultural relationship. Relationships are always different and what works for one couple might not for another. Whatever challenges you face on your journey, whatever complications arise from the differences between you, it is important to always remember that there was a reason you started your relationship in the first place. It might become tainted, marred, or forgotten - but that reason will never really disappear.

Here are some tips for avoiding challenges in cross cultural relationships:

1. Understand, respect and compromise

Don't expect your partner to settle seamlessly into your way of life. Even if they're the foreigner and you're the native, you should see the relationship as a merging of cultures rather than that person adopting yours. Respect their differences, learn about them and look at where you might have to compromise to help them feel happy. Relationships should always be about finding a comfortable balance. If one of you isn't making enough effort, then cracks will start to form.

2. Get first hand experience of each other's cultures

Visit each other's home country, learn one another's language (even if they speak yours) and read up about their religion and cultural history. If you're not interested, why are you with this person? Making the effort to get out there and experience life from their perspective shows that you care and that you want to know them better.

3. Pass on both cultures to your children

The issue of children can be a big one for cross cultural couples. How do parents from different heritages instil a solid sense of identity in their child? Instead of seeing yours and your partner's separate cultures as two different identities, see your relationship as one. Teach your children about both cultures and explore with them the differences between the two, focussing on how they work together and the positives that can be drawn from both. Rearing your children to be bilingual is also a good idea so as not to alienate one half of your couple.

4. Think positively about your differences

Having a different perspective on life is a valuable thing - you have so much to learn from one another. See your differences as a good thing that enhances your relationship, rather than a stumbling block.

Coping strategies for conflict in cross cultural couples

A study by U.S. scientists at Sam Houston State University, Texas, found that cross cultural couples tended to use a set of coping mechanisms to manage their cultural differences. These were the most common:

• Humour - The cure for so many relationship problems, humour enables people to be frank and refreshing about potential problems. By poking fun at your partner's bad English, or unusual dinner table etiquette, you can highlight your differences in a way that draws you together. As long as you can take a joke yourself, humour is a great tool for overcoming potentially awkward situations.

• Cultural deference by one partner - Often one partner will adopt the language, customs and attitudes of the other to make the relationship work.

• Blending of values and expectations - Finding common ground in the beliefs and values of each person's culture is a good way to find a happy medium. Cultures are rarely incompatible with others - all it takes is a little education, understanding and compromise. After all, we're all human.

• Appreciation for other cultures - Cross cultural couples who have an appreciation for global travel and different cultures generally fare better than those who don't. Having a natural interest in anthropology, history and exploration means the relationship takes on an inquisitive dynamic - each partner is always keen to learn something new about the other, which keeps them together and prevents their differences from becoming negative.

How does counselling for cross cultural issues work?

In couples counselling, you and your partner will be encouraged to talk about your respective backgrounds. You may be asked to talk about your past experiences before your partner came into your life, and you may be encouraged to think about the following:

• What brought you two together in the first place?
• What's good and positive about the relationship?
• How do your differences impact your relationship?
• How can you balance your own cultural beliefs with that of your partner's? Can you find a suitable blend?
• How do you envision the future?
• What do you want from the relationship?
• What values would you want your future children to have? (If appropriate).

A good counsellor will:

• Have an open dialogue regarding religion, ethnicity and race.
• Show no prejudice or bias.
• Understand that each client is unique with different needs.

What should I be looking for in a counsellor or psychotherapist?

Whilst there are no official rules and regulations in position which stipulate what level of training and experience a couple’s counsellor, marriage guidance counsellor or relationship counsellor needs, we do recommend that you check your therapist is experienced in the area for which you are seeking help.

A Diploma level qualification (or equivalent) in relationship counselling or a related topic will provide assurance and peace of mind that your counsellor has developed the necessary skills.

Another way to assure they have undergone specialist training is to check if they belong to a relevant professional organisation that represents couples counsellors.

Cross Culture Counseling

According to the website of the University of Melbourne under the title of Cross cultural counselling: Counselling and Psychological Services, said that identity is a reflection of one's culture in its very broadest sense. It can incorporate multiple life domains including gender, nationality, ethnicity, geographical location (rural or urban), spiritual beliefs, age, sexual orientation, relationship status, class, health or disability status, and educational experiences.

Some people, when thinking of attending counselling to discuss personal concerns, would ideally like to speak with someone whose background and values approximate their own. For instance, a student from China might like to meet with a person who has visited China and understands the values of their community. An older person who has lived through a period of tumult in their own society may wish to meet with someone around the same age with knowledge of particular societal events. A gay or lesbian student may wish to meet a counsellor who is very comfortable with her/his own sexual experiences and preferences.

Other individuals may instead prefer to speak with a counsellor from a completely different background to their own, perhaps to gain different perspectives on their issues.

At Counselling and Psychological Services, staff members come from a range of backgrounds. If you have any particular preferences, please tell the receptionist when you are making an appointment and we will endeavour to place you with someone of your choice.

For students making the transition from another country to study temporarily or to settle permanently in Australia, our counsellors are particularly familiar with issues of cultural adaptation.

At times, it may not be possible to arrange an appointment with a counsellor whose background reflects your own cultural, religious or identity group. However, you can be assured that all counsellors are selected on the basis of their capacity to empathise and to show respect for individual and group differences. They are experienced in working with a variety of people and presenting issues, and will work to put you at ease so that trust in the counselling process can be built.

Counsellors also endeavour to become more familiar with the mores and experiences of particular cultural and identity groups through specific professional development activities. In the first session, your counsellor may ask about your own cultural beliefs and general life experiences as they affect you, in order to more clearly understand you and your concerns.

Banjar people

The Banjar or Banjarese (Urang Banjar in Banjarese language; اورڠ بنجر in Jawi script) are a native ethnic group in South Kalimantan, Indonesia. Several centuries ago, some of them had travelled to many places in the Malay archipelago. They set up pockets of settlement there, in Perak (mostly in Bagan Serai, Parit Buntar, Sungai Manik and Teluk Intan), Selangor around (Sabak Bernam, Sekinchan, Sungai Besar and Tanjung Karang), in Johor (Batu Pahat), in Singapore as well as other places.

History

The Proto-Malay people migrated to Borneo in 2500 BC. They were the ancestors of theDayak people (Ot Danum people). In 2500 BC, the Deutero Malays migrated to Borneo. TheMalay people from Sumatra brought their culture to Borneo in 400 AD. The fusion of the cultures saw the birth of the Upper Banjar language (Bahasa Banjar Hulu). Later, in 520 AD, the Malays formed the Buddhist Kingdom of Tanjungpuri in the present-day region ofTanjung, Tabalong.

In 1200 AD, Empu Jatmika built the Hindu Kingdom of Negara Dipa by the river of Tapin. This was the start of the Javanese-style courts in South Kalimantan. The Hindu era in South Kalimantan remained the most remembered period in South Kalimantan's history. The glory of Negara Dipa was succeeded by the Hindu Kingdom of Negara Daha in 1400 AD.

According to history, Prince Samudera, the rightful heir to the kingdom of Negara Daha, was forced to flee the court of because of his uncle's revolt against him. He was accepted by the people of Bandar Masih (Bandar: port, Masih: Malay people). Supported by the Sultanate of Demak, he formed a new Islamic Banjar Kingdom in 1526 with Bandar Masih as its capital. The name of Bandar Masih was later changed to its present name Banjarmasin.

Since the 19th century, migration of the Banjarese people went as far as the east coast of Sumatra and Malaysia. In Malaysia, Banjarese people are classified as part of the Malay race.

Sub-ethnicities

The division of Banjar people into 3 ethnicities is based on the locations of the assimilation between the Malays, the local Dayaks(Dayak Bukit, Dayak Ma'anyan, Dayak Lawangan, Dayak Ngaju, Dayak Barangas, and Bakumpai), and the Javanese people.

1. The Banjar Pahuluan, who live in the valleys by the upriver of Meratus mountain ranges. They make their living from agriculture.
2. The Banjar Batang Banyu, who live in the valleys by the river of Negara. They are proud of their position as the people of the ancient capital. They are also prominent merchants.
3. The Banjar Kuala, who live in Banjarmasin and Martapura. They are the people of the new capital.

Language

The Banjar language (bjn) reflects the history of people. It is basically the Malay language brought from Sumatra, with some words that are taken from Javanese and the native Dayaks.

Relations with Dayaks

Sasanggan, a bronze bowl used by the Banjarese during a traditional ceremony.

The relationship between Banjar people and the neighbouring Dayaks have always been good. Some of theDayaks who had converted to Islam have also assimilated into the Banjar culture and call themselves Banjar. The Dayaks also think of the Banjars as their brothers and sisters. This is further strengthened by the fact there are many inter-marriages between the Banjars and the Dayaks, even among the members of the royalty. For example, Biang Lawai, a wife of a Banjar king was of Dayak Ngaju ethnicity. This means that the Banjarese Kings and Queens have Dayaks lineage in their blood.

This relationship grew strong when both ethnicities faced colonisation by the Dutch in the 18th century. They became comrades in an age of war. Some of the warriors involved in Banjar War are of Dayak ethnicity or have Dayaks lineage in their blood. For example:

1. Panglima Batur, who was of Dayak Siang Murung ethnicity,
2. Panglima Wangkang, whose his father was a Dayak Bakumpai and whose mother was a Banjar,
3. Panglima Batu Balot (Tumenggung Marha Lahew), a female warrior who attacked Fort Muara Teweh in 1864-1865.